I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Randomize
