I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Randomize
