So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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