he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
