Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
