think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
