now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
