Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Also, beer. Big fan.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
