someone get that fucking seahorse.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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