I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
