Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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