who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
