Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Randomize
