i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
