Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
i wish my penis had a tongue
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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