He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
