She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
