Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
