How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize