we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
