definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
