you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
