You smell like stripper and shame
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
