And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
