I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
