sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
