So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I forgot wine drunk hurts
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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