no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
