If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
areolas are like halos for boobs.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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