remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
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