She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize