ugly people sure do ruin things
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I feel like death gave me a hand job
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
