Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
