sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
bring money and cleavage
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
