Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
