I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I want a musical about memes.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
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