that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
