Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
