I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
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