I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
