went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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