So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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