Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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