Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
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