Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Shame - the story of my life.
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