4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Randomize
