Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
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