yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
He kissed a someone with a penis
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Randomize
