The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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