You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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