I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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