do herpes really smell.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
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