This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
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