I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
pop tarts are not kleenex
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
