when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
