apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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