Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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