Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
