the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
