I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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