By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
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Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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