ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
