The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
