That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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