Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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