my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
wow bdsm is so cute
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