Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
