My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
