I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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