So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
