so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
