just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
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