Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
