While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
