I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Blood and glitter go together right?
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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