Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
