I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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