great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
