Where is the hickey?
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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