i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
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