Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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